I gave my cousin some chocolate.

My mother is against unhealthy foods, so fried things and sweets are banned from my cousin's diet as long as he lives in the US.
Although, a couple of days ago I was abetting his sweets addiction. But I did get the bag of candy for free. I mean, who else is going to eat it, right? No one under the age of 10 at this point is within reach, and why waste a perfectly good bag of candy.

In broken English, he acts out the situation in which I am the dealer and he is the addict, my mother being the police interrogator.
"Ey, do you have the?"
"Oh yeh yeh, I have" (opens imaginary jacket)
(gunpoint) "STOP! FREEZE. WHAT IS THAT"
"OH nonono , nothing!"
"GIVE ME IT!"

I gave him the Funsize Mr Goodbars, Crunch and Hersheys and I took out the dark chocolates. They sit on my desk next to my computer. I started out with 5 and I have only eaten 1. There are only two left.

Mysterious disappearance of Dark number 2:
"咦， 孟凡、我这么只有剩3个糖？” (Hey Meng Fan. How come I only have 3 left?)
“哦～我吃掉了一颗” (Oh...cause I ate one.)
"I knew it."

Mysterious disappearance of Dark number 3:
Later, I am online buying books for him I eye him pop another one of my darks in his mouth.
"Hey! I thought you didnt like dark chocolate!"
"(mouth full) Oh... Sorry I didn't realize. I just saw candy so I ate it."
"What! So you stuff it in without even thinking!?"
"Heh heh..."

Never again! No chocolate for you.

"Lailai, can we go get fried chicken?"
"Oh. Okay."

Congratulations! lai is boring

Karen: I need sleeping pills
Lai: you need a boring movie
Karen: nn.
Lai: you sound like you're almost there, though.
Karen: I'm faking it. Oh I know. you should read me GRE words.
Lai: haha. Ok. How about denigrate?
Karen: What?
Lai: Denigrate? probably has to do with lowering the status of a person. Or something. Like that other word relegate.
Tina: Oh.
Lai: Hm. How about hegemony? Maybe that'll be on the GRE.
(20, 30 seconds later)
...and that would be an example of hegemony, or a hegemonic system.


Lai: Karen?
Karen: nn.
Tina: That did it.

seriously, I have a formula

Dinner conversation:

Nancy: Snide remark accompanied by lols
Karen: Sarcastic (?) comeback
Nancy: Accusatory insult accopanied by more lols
Karen: Sarcastic apology
Nancy: Genuine (?) forgiveness
Karen: Scoff
Nancy: Leftover lols

Stay tuned for the MadLibs comic.
Next: Pillow talk with Karen and Nancy

Extremely over-crusted sugar on top of some terribly bad-for-you raspberry turnovers, or the sounds of pleasure

"Mm. mm. it's pretty good."
"Why are you making moaning noises."
"What, are those those the sounds you make during sex?"
"No, I keep my mouth shut."
"How can you keep your mouth shut then when you can't keep your mouth shut normally."

the clammy kitchen linoleum under my feet and other stories

1. Karen, Nancy and Melody are all asleep on the floor in the living room, curled up in blankets. Yes. It is 5pm. They also slept there last night. They win in our unofficial sleeping marathon for team-sleeping.
Compared to these kids I have insomnia.

2. grandpa updated me on the rabbit status. he asks is it the same rabbit that comes back every week to eat in our garden. I'm not sure.
The date of the rabbit was December 26th, and we watched it from our window. grandma wanted to catch-it-kill-it-and-eat-it, grandpa says, no such thing! they are not even tasty. grandma says, wild rabbits are nutritious, grandpa says we will leave rice out there for tomorrow. and the rabbit didn't even notice. its entire brown body sat there immobile like a rock except for his vibrating trembling nose-and-jaw-for-chewing.
the date today is May 2nd and I'm not sure if I am the child and grandpa is the adult or if I am the adult and grandfather is the child when he says to me lai-lai! the rabbit is this big, and he holds out two cupped hands holding an imaginary loaf of bread.

3. Nancy hates the crumbs on the kitchen floor during bare feet. Now I notice when I step on a hardened piece of food on the ground in the kitchen. I pick it out between my thick feet-skin and wonder for maybe about a second or two about it's life story and then proceed to throw it away. We also found an entire avocado pit once, in the corner, hiding underneath the cabinetry. That, of course, deserved a bit more time/recognition for its biography.
"What the hell"
"When the hell did we get an avocado"
"Maybe January"

4. "When the snow falls and covers everything, I hardly know that it is snow. The sky is the underbelly of a fish." (249, Obasan)